you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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