This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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