You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
