Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We smell like vodka and hangover
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