I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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