If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
