so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
