sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
