It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
