i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize