I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
