hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
