After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
