she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
