trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
