i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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