i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
