Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
