Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
