i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
