so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize