I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
