So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
