What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
