I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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