I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
