Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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