Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
