Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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