I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
