who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
