Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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