he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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