You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
