My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You need Xanax blowdarts
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
