so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You may now shotgun with the bride
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
