wakey wakey hands off snakey
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
