My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
