i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
