Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
