Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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