Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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