I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
