Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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