You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
