I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize