you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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