Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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