Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
