Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
When are your genitals available?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
