I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize