the new term for farting is butt boxing.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
