If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
