Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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