Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm too high and old for this...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
