so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
