So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We are two peas in an std pod
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
