Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
