It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
