My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
