after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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