yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
