oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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