I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize