bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
