You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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