Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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