I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
