i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
