I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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