I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
