I cannot find my penis.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
