he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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