you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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