She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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