One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Randomize