i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
should my penis look like a turkey
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
PANTIES FOUND
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