areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
