if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
