JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Im part way to drunk.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
