I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
