I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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