i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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