It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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