Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
