It's Friday. Sex?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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