So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize