I only kidnapped one of them. chill
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
