It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
