u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
