bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
