You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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