Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
