I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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