Do you still have your period?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
