Ambien. No doubt about it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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