you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
