I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize