Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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