you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
