This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
