hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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