Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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