I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
