He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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