New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
