I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
