All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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