he wants to bone in the snuggie
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
